Archive | October, 2009

Idiot arrested after losing weed in his hat

31 Oct

Now THAT is dumb, or stoned.

Pa. man had marijuana stuck on forehead, police say
By Peter Mucha | INQUIRER STAFF WRITER | Oct. 15, 2009

The case gives new meaning to the term pothead.

Or dope.

Cesar Lopez, 29, was in a Lebanon, Pa., convenience store early Saturday morning, staring at the inside of his baseball cap near a restroom.

What the Lebanon man was probably looking for wasn’t in the hat, because it was stuck to his forehead, according to police.

A uniformed police officer who happened to be in the store plucked a small clear-plastic bag of what appeared to be marijuana from above Lopez’s brow.

“Is this what you’re looking for?” the officer asked.

Lopez was charged with possession of a small amount of marijuana and released.

The bag had probably been tucked inside the sweatband of the cap – a common place for concealing drugs and paraphernalia – before it became dislodged, according to Chief Daniel Wright.

The Turkey Hill store is at 716 E. Lehman St. in the Lebanon County town, about 25 miles north of Lancaster.

33 Years of ‘Pumpkin Patrols’ on Cabbage Night

30 Oct

Cabbage night? Citizens on watch?  Well, I guess if it keeps people from being killed.
After 33 years, ‘Pumpkin Patrols’ still keep watch on Thruway overpasses

October 30, 2009  |  By ANN GIBBONS  |  Freeman staff

SAUGERTIES — “Pumpkin patrols” will again monitor state Thruway overpasses today and Saturday as a joint Halloween safety endeavor of state police Troop T, whose troopers patrol the thruway exclusively, and volunteers from local citizen band radio clubs and amateur radio operators.

The patrols, which began in 1976 in Fort Johnson, Montgomery County, as a way to prevent dangerous Halloween pranks on the overpasses, have spread across the state and this year involve 17 organizations from 20 counties.

“The volunteers sit on the bridge overpasses on Oct. 30 and 31 and communicate with their network clubs all over the state and with Thruway state police,” Sgt. Charles F. Stumpf, patrol coordinator at Troop T headquarters in Albany, said on Thursday. “We will have normal Thruway patrols on both days, as well as extra patrols to ensure driver safety.”

Stumpf said both state police and volunteers have added today’s date to the effort because some counties along the Thruway also have prank nights, called Cabbage Night, on that date. He said Troop T normally covers 641 road miles as its district, which also includes parts of Interstate 84.

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Most Extreme Pumpkins

29 Oct

These are the best of the 2006 Most Extreme Pumpkins. (hey back off, it ain’t easy getting this stuff together, it can take years.)

I love the squid pumpkin, and the flaming tiki pumpkin is amazing. For cheeky giggles the flasher is great, not family friendly, but great. Check my foolery category for more pumpkins too. These were all found at the wonderful site extremepumkins.com, go check there, they have even more great images and ideas.

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Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 4-Honesty

28 Oct

To educate readers on the the great pantheon of penis-centric costumes I’ve brought you.

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 1-In the beginning for the origins and historical takes on the theme

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 2-Electric Bugaloo which highlighted the many ethnic flavors of wiener-centric costumes

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 3-That’s Not Punny get it, ha ha ha, GET IT

Finally
Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 4-Honesty. These costumes ARE dicks, homemade and store bought.

giant_penis_csotume

ETSY Penis
This guy deserves an A for effort and a kiss for being so brave and ballsy. The amount of work that went into building this.  The shaping of the chicken wire, paper mache and painting on this costume is admirable. His shirt matches so well I wonder if he dyed it? Alas, the placement of the pubes make it look like he threw up and it  landed on his balls. I hope he is at a lames ass Halloween party and didn’t just show up at a party looking like this, or wait, maybe that’s even better to crash an Oscar party wearing this. Dude you are way cooler than your friends.

Hats off to you random internet dude in a home made penis costume. You are my fave in all these galleries.

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Genital Warts

Talk about honesty! Not only is this guy a big one-dimensional dick, he appears to have genital warts. Was he sentenced to wear this costume as a community service?  Look at the walls, you know this is his room, his posters and when he looks at his stacked Butter girl’s privates he knows those are his warts too. I bet Miss Douche bag also wanted to dress up as venereal warts but couldn’t figure out a vagina costume that would show off her boobs.  I loathe these two soooo much. He’s got a bright career ahead of him in Nepotism. He’ll propose, she’ll insist on a 2 carat ring. After a honeymoon at SANDALS in Jamaica she’ll keep going to church at Victoria’s Secret, use sex to bargain with and have lesbian fantasies but only about famous women. After having a kid they’ll divorce mainly because “her boobs got weird.” His first Halloween after the divorce he’ll wear DOWN FOR THE COUNT. He’ll be a shitty boss, get remarried to a dumber, younger blond who isn’t allowed to have kids but gets her own BMW. One day he’ll wear the BIG CATCH  fisherman costume to work.

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Bad Home Job
Ugly, sloppy, hasty. Couldn’t this guy have used clear packing tape? Sometimes foam rubber is just foam rubber. And dude, you look like Beavis, which actually explains a lot.

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Penis Man
Imagine the hours of labor it took to make this, to figure out where to place a bouncy cock and where not too.  This costume obscures the face of the wearer, most likely on purpose. In the background you can see a human running away from his offered creepy hug.

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Dick Head
I’ve seen dickheads before but this one has a matching tie, classy. The model already looks drunk, whatever it takes man, whatever it takes.

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Inflatable Penis
Giant inflatable penis costumes are now commercially available.  Since this is self inflating  I guess you can say it blows itself. Didn’t King Missile do a song called “Inflatable Penis”? Click here to see a video of a kid accepting his diploma in a costume like this.

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Professional Mascot Caliber Penis Costume
This costume makes all other penis costumes envious. I have no idea what parade this is but my guess is a it’s a PRIDE FEST event. This professional grade penis costume is not only well made but the smile makes it nonthreatening if a bit manic. In the background, over the dorks right shoulder you can see the same model in another skin tone. YEAH finally, a black one! TRUE ethnic diversity in Halloween Costume for Dicks. Hooray.

Thus concludes Halloween Costumes for Dicks.

Hope you liked them all!

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 1-In the beginning

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 2-Electric Bugaloo

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 3-That’s Not Punny

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 4-Honesty.

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 3-Thats Not Punny

27 Oct

To educate readers on the the great pantheon of penis-centric costumes I’ve brought you.

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 1-In the beginning for the origins and historical takes on the theme

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 2-Electric Bugaloo which highlighted the many ethnic flavors of wiener-centric costumes

and now I present
Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 3-That’s Not Punny

In the great gallery of dick costumes, the double entendre is well represented. These walking puns are less offensive and obvious than other costumes but not all puns are created equal.

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Blow Me Bubble Gum
Suggested oral sex is much sweeter than simulated oral sex. However, this costume would be even less threatening if it were “Would ya please” brand instead of the far more direct and downright rude BLOW ME. Though not creepy this costume and the rudeness and implied stickiness is plain icky.

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Down For the Count
Ha ha ha, get it? Down for the count is a sports term, ha ha. The inflatable chick is surprisingly comfy to wear while dancing or seated but is no good for driving a car. Is this guy bare legged or is he wearing pink tights? This costume demonstrates the wearer will have sex with inanimate objects and is not ashamed of it. If you own a REAL DOLL this is the costume for you. Thumbs up if you’re a douche bag.

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Pussy Cat Liqueor
Now this costume might actually work in attracting women who enjoy getting oral sex. It’s a playful costume that implies tipsiness and has a cheeky double entendre. Who gets sloshed on liqueor? PLUS the name is a fancy frenched up way of saying PUSSY LICKER. This is way better than a “mustache ride shirt” and can be worn by a person of any gender though it may be a bit large for tiny lesbians. I don’t hate this costume, I like it!

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Hung Like a Horse
Is this for Cowboys? Is there implied bestiality here? Does the wearer have a pocket full of “cowpoke” jokes? The horse looks so very sad to be involved in this lame ass costume.

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Third Leg
This costume not only plays on the term “third leg” it references an old SNL skit. This  is the Dream-On-Dude costume for men who watched SNL during the Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Chris Farley era. The skit was a fake ad for Leevi’s Three-Legged Jeans and had a reggae theme of “a leg and a leg and a leg.” I can’t find any good links to a clip of it but trust me, it exists. This, like Great Scott is a good costume to wear if you sorta want to talk about your junk, but don’t want to rub it in anyone’s face.

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Dick in the Box
Another SNL skit inspired costume is the Dick in the Box, it’s not punny, but I had to fit this in somewhere. SNL has inspired generations of costumes, Coneheads, Killer Bees, Whats That? It’s Pat. Imagine Dad the wearing the-leg-and-a-leg-and-a-leg and the son wearing the Dick in the Box. Laugh riot at that party, wait till they slip in the Monty Python DVD and regale you with tired over played catch phrases all…Night…LONG. (((( Groan))))

Coming up next, the grand finale Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 4-Honesty

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 2-Electric Bugaloo

26 Oct

There’s apparently a large market for Halloween costumes that feature a man’s wedding tackle.

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 1 featured wiener themed classics like the flasher, the breathalyzer and  historical themes.

Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 2-Electric Bugaloo shows there’s a costume for almost every ethnic derivation that wants to creep out the party by calling attention to their private parts. As racially insensitve and offensive as these costumes are none pay homage to the, uh, biggest stereotype in the manhood category.

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Longuini and meatballs
The Italian Stallion Dream-on-Dude costume. Like the Breathalyzer in Dicks Part I this costume appears to ride a little high. The idea of someone having edible genitalia is as unnerving as genitalia that floats above the navel. And the curve, the curve is unsettling. This could also be the costume for closeted “Kenny Curvecocks” who want everyone to know penises are like snow flakes, no two are alike.  I’m shocked this didn’t have a tuft of chest hair tangled in a gold chain above the t-shirt and a “fuhgedaboudit” button on the apron.

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Snake Charmer
The Hindi Dream-on-Dude costume has the icky snake factor on top of the creepy-guy-long-johnson-dream vibe. This is so awful, where do I start? Imagine being on the dance floor and feeling this bump into your back, ewww. Now imagine a lech using the snake to poke up underneath skirts. Look at how the model is leering, is he enjoying wearing this?  The only way it could have been more offensive is if the model had darkened his skin. The only good thing about this costume is it promotes ethnic diversity in creeps and the prop is appropriately placed.

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Dream of Genie
More ethnic diversity in creeps. The Persian Dream-on-Dude costume is less creepy because it’s less visually literal than Longuini or Snakecharmer but the RUB ME command just smacks of bad touch.  This costume looks poorly engineered and badly made. The handle will prevent you from sitting and that crappy foam will crease and fold. Bad bad bad bad. Even the model looks sheepish and ashamed to be wearing this tasteless, ugly piece of crap.

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The Big One
The Dream-on-Dude costume for fishermen, or guys with a piercing. This is very similar to the Snake charmer but it’s way less offensive. Could it be fish aren’t spooky? Or that this costume lacks racial undertones? I can totally see old white guys in middle management wearing this. Oh god, your boss wants to tell you the story of the one that got away.

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Ringtoss
The Dream-on-Dude costume for carnies! The worst part of this costume is it could be a lot of fun. This costume actually encourages playfulness and promotes interaction, not just a shocked scream and scuttling away. I mean you’re not playing horseshoes, the wearer can thrust and jump and try to help catch the rings.  On the right guy, at the right party, this could be a scream. This costume can also be called “My First Strap On.”

Come back again and check out Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 3, “that’s not punny.”

Deathstar Pumpkin

24 Oct

Lots of work on this one.

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Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 1-In the beginning

23 Oct

It used to be if a guy wanted a Halloween costume that referenced his John Thomas he’d have to get out the glue gun and use his imagination. At the very least he’d have to swallow his manly pride and buy that dildo so he could have something to flash while dressed as a flasher. I mean what else would a guy want with a dildo?

Times have changed and the marketplace has provided penis themed costumes that appeal to all sorts of jerks. For the most part they are guaranteed to scare away or offend even squirrels and bunny rabbits.

This is part 1 in a series of 4 about costumes designed to highlight the genitals of the male wearer. I present the Gallery of Dick Costumes Part 1-In the beginning.

Check back for more installments….

flasher

The Flasher
The first and original dick costume is the flasher. Though a flasher costume CAN be purchased it’s better when it’s homemade. The best, and most flirtatious Flasher costume is homemade and features something unexpected instead of male genitalia. Strategically placed teddy bears, ladies lingerie, fresh fruit or a picture of a politician add a laugh to a moment when many cringe. A joke reveal shows the wearer is really a sweet kind person who couldn’t think up a better costume and is NOT on Meghan’s List. The man parts on this particular costume remind me of a turkey. Gobble gobble gobble.

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OOppps
OOpps is a faux accidental perpetual half flash. This is an extremely lame costume. Why spend money for this? A pink sock and 2 kiwi fruit would give the same effect.  This costume barely belongs in this gallery.

breathalyzer

The Breathalyzer
This costume is great! It asks for the attention of drunks of any gender and sexual persuasion AND it simulates getting oral sex. Does the wearer ever ask to take photos of those he’s testing? The Breathalyzer costume can be purchased but is better homemade. The wearer can sit down while wearing this particular store bought costume but the “blow here” is unfortunately high and could end up near the navel of some wearers, which is well, weird. I love that even the model wearing this get up is giving it a thumbs down.

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Great Scott
Great Scott is the DREAM-ON-DUDE costume for Aryan Nation members. This came from the same web site as A Knight to Remember, but for some reason Great Scot gets censored. It appears to be a professional and attractive costume that allows the wearer to get very close to unsuspecting people without offending them. Others have the option of asking “what’s under the kilt” and thus consenting to view the wearer’s fake jimmie. I think this costume may be the best featured in this gallery. If a nice guy wears this to a party he doesn’t have to flash his fake junk to anyone if he doesn’t want to.  This is the safest look-at-my-wiener costume in this gallery too. What if that hot party you get invited to is hosted by Mormons?

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A Knight to Remember
If you had sex with a man who wore armor you’d remember it, no matter what his penis size. This falls into the DREAM-ON-DUDE category and targets the Society for Creative Anachronism demographic. This costume  would be better if “it” did not protrude from the bottom of the tunic. Other than the public service function of alerting the population the wearer is a big dick, this is a good looking Knight costume.

Come back  for Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 2-Electric Bugaloo

Library Foe Heckles Child at Meeting

22 Oct

This is a long story but worth reading. This guy is a first class prick and flaunts it. One would hope Mr. Xinos gets visited on “Mischief Night.” This story was sent to me by the thoughtful and erudite JoLo, not the JoLo Latina ho.

“I wanted that kid to lose sleep that night,” a grinning Xinos says Wednesday.

Ugly battle has librarians in Oak Brook turning to Teamsters
By Burt Constable  |  Daily Herald Columnist  |  www.dailyherald.com  |  10/1/2009

Telling her mother that she wanted to come to the aid of a library under attack, 11-year-old Sydney Sabbagha stood at the podium before the Oak Brook village board.

“I used to go to the library knowing there were people there to help me find a book. Now there is no one to help me,” Sydney said solemnly. “It will never be the same without the people you fired.”

Sydney nestled back into her seat, but that didn’t stop 69-year-old criminal attorney Constantine “Connie” Xinos from boldly putting her in her place.

“Those who come up here with tears in their eyes talking about the library, put your money where your mouth is,” Xinos shot back. He told Sydney and others who spoke against the layoffs of the three full-time staffers (including the head librarian and children’s librarian) and two part-timers to stop “whining” and raise the money themselves.

“I don’t care that you guys miss the librarian, and she was nice, and she helped you find books,” Xinos told them.

“Don’t cry crocodile tears about people who are making $100,000 a year wiping tables and putting the books back on the shelves,” Xinos smirked, apparently referencing the fired head librarian, who has advanced degrees and made $98,676 a year. He said Oak Brook had to “stop indulging people in their hobbies” and “their little, personal, private wants.”

Sydney was upset and “her little friend was in tears” after Xinos spoke at the meeting last week, says mom Hope Sabbagha.

“I wanted that kid to lose sleep that night,” a grinning Xinos says Wednesday, as he invites me for a nearly two-hour interview in his Mercedes-Benz in the gated Oak Brook community where he lives. “This is the real world and the lesson, you folks who brought your kids here, is if you want something, pay for it.”

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Aussie Fans Limited to 24 Beers a Day

21 Oct

This story needs no intro.

ODD-US-AUSTRALIA-ALCOHOL

Racing fans “limited” to 24 beers a day
Tue Oct 6, 2009  |  Reporting by Ian Ransom; Editing by Ossian Shine  |  Reuters

MELBOURNE (Reuters) – Adult fans at one of Australia’s most popular motor sport races, the Bathurst 1000, will be limited to one “slab” of beer a day — or 24 375 ml cans — as police focus on reducing alcohol-related crime.

The 24-can rule would also be placed on mixed drinks for the V8 car race starting Thursday which draws thousands to the rural town of Bathurst in eastern New South Wales state, the NSW police said Tuesday.

But more restrained spectators would be able to slake their thirst, if not their craving for alcohol, with up to 36 cans of low or mid-strength beer.

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Adults arrested after making kid eat soap

20 Oct

The saying I always heard is “wash your mouth out with soap.” Not make you eat soap, or make you sit with soap in your mouth or clean up your own sick-up with a bar of soap in your mouth.

As a kid I spent time with a bar of DIAL in my mouth, but it was never 20 minutes. It made me drool like crazy and was unpleasant enough to make the point. If memory serves I was most often punished for saying hateful mean things. My parents weren’t hypocrites and though they frowned on me working blue they never “soaped” me for it as they cursed and cussed themselves.

Note to parents: this image is from a fictional movie.

Note to parents: this image is from a movie, it's fiction, made-up, not real. The soap in his mouth is not real either, it's a prop.

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Mom's prick boyfriend is the reason Dad's should give a shit after divorce or about Baby Mama kids.

Child Forced To Chew Soap As Punishment
Reported By Greg Pallone  |  www.cfnews13.com  |  October 13, 2009

PALM BAY — A couple is charged with child abuse after an old method of punishment goes wrong.

Adriyanna Herdener and her boyfriend, Wilfredo Rivera, are accused of the Friday incident where Rivera allegedly put half a bar of soap in their 8-year-old daughter’s mouth because she said an expletive.

The child had to chew the soap for 10 minutes while vomiting, crying and begging to rinse her mouth out.

Investigators said Rivera wouldn’t let her until she cleaned up the mess.

“When she was asking for relief of her distress, he basically laughed at her and continued on with what he was trying to do,” said Yvonne Martinez, a spokeswoman for the Palm Bay Police Department.

“It’s only supposed to be a saying. You’re not actually supposed to do that,” said Max Wilkerson, a parent.

Herdener and Rivera are out on bond.

In the meantime, the 8-year-old and the couple’s other child are in the custody of the Department of Children and Families.

ANOTHER Distorted Ralph Lauren Ad

19 Oct

Whoops they did it again. BUSTED. Click here to see a post about the LAST ad they did this too. These ads have gained notoriety because the model featured in one of them was fired by Ralph Lauren for being too fat. This should be actual news and not just blog fodder.

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Ralph Lauren Really Hates Fatties
cocoperez.com | Oct 16, 2009

What the hell is going on over at Ralph Lauren? We’re beginning to wonder what message the label is trying to send to women about their physical appearance! First, we told you about the disastrously Photoshopped ad featuring an unrealistically skinny rendering of model Filippa Hamilton. The ad pictured Hamilton’s face on a distorted, rail thin body. The model’s head appeared significantly larger than the rest of her whole body, even her hips. After initially being defensive, Ralph Lauren issued a statement, saying that ”

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