It used to be if a guy wanted a Halloween costume that referenced his John Thomas he’d have to get out the glue gun and use his imagination. At the very least he’d have to swallow his manly pride and buy that dildo so he could have something to flash while dressed as a flasher. I mean what else would a guy want with a dildo?
Times have changed and the marketplace has provided penis themed costumes that appeal to all sorts of jerks. For the most part they are guaranteed to scare away or offend even squirrels and bunny rabbits.
This is part 1 in a series of 4 about costumes designed to highlight the genitals of the male wearer. I present the Gallery of Dick Costumes Part 1-In the beginning.
Check back for more installments….
The Flasher
The first and original dick costume is the flasher. Though a flasher costume CAN be purchased it’s better when it’s homemade. The best, and most flirtatious Flasher costume is homemade and features something unexpected instead of male genitalia. Strategically placed teddy bears, ladies lingerie, fresh fruit or a picture of a politician add a laugh to a moment when many cringe. A joke reveal shows the wearer is really a sweet kind person who couldn’t think up a better costume and is NOT on Meghan’s List. The man parts on this particular costume remind me of a turkey. Gobble gobble gobble.
OOppps
OOpps is a faux accidental perpetual half flash. This is an extremely lame costume. Why spend money for this? A pink sock and 2 kiwi fruit would give the same effect. This costume barely belongs in this gallery.
The Breathalyzer
This costume is great! It asks for the attention of drunks of any gender and sexual persuasion AND it simulates getting oral sex. Does the wearer ever ask to take photos of those he’s testing? The Breathalyzer costume can be purchased but is better homemade. The wearer can sit down while wearing this particular store bought costume but the “blow here” is unfortunately high and could end up near the navel of some wearers, which is well, weird. I love that even the model wearing this get up is giving it a thumbs down.
Great Scott
Great Scott is the DREAM-ON-DUDE costume for Aryan Nation members. This came from the same web site as A Knight to Remember, but for some reason Great Scot gets censored. It appears to be a professional and attractive costume that allows the wearer to get very close to unsuspecting people without offending them. Others have the option of asking “what’s under the kilt” and thus consenting to view the wearer’s fake jimmie. I think this costume may be the best featured in this gallery. If a nice guy wears this to a party he doesn’t have to flash his fake junk to anyone if he doesn’t want to. This is the safest look-at-my-wiener costume in this gallery too. What if that hot party you get invited to is hosted by Mormons?
A Knight to Remember
If you had sex with a man who wore armor you’d remember it, no matter what his penis size. This falls into the DREAM-ON-DUDE category and targets the Society for Creative Anachronism demographic. This costume would be better if “it” did not protrude from the bottom of the tunic. Other than the public service function of alerting the population the wearer is a big dick, this is a good looking Knight costume.
Come back for Halloween Costumes for Dicks Part 2-Electric Bugaloo
Tags: costumes