Uh oh, all the pinks out there better bend over and kiss their sweet butts goodbye.  If you want to become a legally ordained minister in the Church of the Subgenius, then hurry up.  Your editor has a soft spot for Ivan Stang’s outreach ministry because HIGH WEIRDNESS BY MAIL had the power to change lives in the time before the interweb.

The Church of the SubGenius has announced that the end of the world will take place on Sunday, July 5, 2009.
www.prurgent.com  |  Release Date: 2009-01-05

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CLEVELAND, Ohio, January 2, 2009: The Church of the SubGenius has announced that the end of the world will take place on Sunday, July 5, 2009. In preparation for the fulfillment of this doomsday prophecy, the Church is requesting that all of its members participate in a bizarre religious ceremony taking place in upstate New York, during the final weekend before the arrival of the apocalypse.

Since its inception in 1953, Church founder J.R. “Bob” Dobbs has predicted that a fleet of flying saucers will arrive at the beginning of July to destroy the worldwide Conspiracy against the Church of the SubGenius, while all ordained SubGenius ministers will be rescued by escape vessels piloted by the Alien Sex Goddesses, also known as the Xists.

The Church is inviting all of its members worldwide to gather together for the final hours in Sherman, New York from Wednesday, July 1 to Sunday, July 5, at a clothing-optional outdoor campground called Brushwood Folklore Center. The first gathering at this compound took place in 1996, and the event has increased in size and participants each following year. 1998 was designated the first true “X-Day,” and each successive year has added one to the total. This year’s celebration in 2009 is X-Day 12, or X-Day XII.

The Church has been engaged in a massive recruitment campaign to increase the numbers of its membership before the arrival of the Xists. According to Church records, the organization currently has approximately 100,000 members worldwide. SubGenius recruitment has been especially dedicated among the ranks of people who refuse to conform to the norms of society, including disbelievers, blasphemers, pranksters, rebels, hackers, pornographers, geeks, and outcasts.

The Church is seeking underground bands, indie rockers, performance artists, and performers and producers from the adult entertainment industry, because sexual freedom has been an important part of Church doctrine from the start. X-Day will be a celebration of free expression, performance art, rock and roll, pornography, and adult entertainment; and certain parts of the event will be restricted to adults only. Only ordained ministers of the Church of the SubGenius are allowed at the event, but the Church is accepting memberships at its standard rate of $30 up until the final hours of July 4.

The Church of the SubGenius has been no stranger to controversy since its foundation, and the upcoming X-Day celebration promises to be no different. In the late 1980s, members of the Church were accused of spreading a virus in Macintosh computers known as the “Peace Virus.” Numerous articles have been written on the Church in such noteworthy publications as the New York Times, Washington Post, Wired Online, Boston Globe, U.S. News and World Report; and broadcast reports have been produced by CNN and NPR. In April 1999, officials of the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts shut down an official SubGenius Devival gathering in the belief that the Church was affiliated with the Trenchcoat Mafia (the organization blamed for the Columbine high school shootings), though authorities later realized the association was mistaken. In its January 1, 2000 issue, a Time magazine poll declared J.R. “Bob” Dobbs the biggest fraud of the 20th century.

The Church received additional media attention in 2006 when one of its high-ranking members, known in SubGenius circles as Reverend Mary Magdalen, became involved in a legal battle for custody of her son due to her membership in the Church. This case has been covered in such popular online sites as Boing Boing, Fark, and Wikinews (Wikipedia’s news reporting service).

In 2008, the notorious hacker collective known as ANONYMOUS took up the cause of the Church of the SubGenius, and many of the alleged “hackers on steroids” were among the attendees at its Brushwood festival. In an astounding case of the pot calling the kettle black, representatives of the Church of Scientology have accused the Church of the SubGenius of being “a dangerous UFO cult,” and SubGenius members (and SubGenius memes) have been among the ranks of “Anonymous” since its war against Scientology began.

Photographers, entertainers, production companies, radio broadcasters, and all media producers are encouraged to contact the Church at its Cleveland, Ohio headquarters at 1-216-320-9528.

Contact: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. 1-216-320-9528
Fax: (216) 320-9528

“Eventually, Christians decided that a broader Christmas celebration would help compete with pagan December festivals.” Merry Christmas, Yule or Feast of Saturnalia to one and all!

Ancient winter festivals contributed to our holiday customs
December 17, 2008  |  The Herald-Dispatch  |  Jay O’Dell

The word Christmas originated as a compound word meaning “Christ’s Mass,” referring to a gathering of people to worship Christ (Jesus). The Roman letter X was used as an abbreviation for Christ, hence Xmas is often used as an abbreviation for Christmas today.

But many Christmas traditions were celebrated for centuries before Christ was born. Many of the Christmas traditions originated in ancient Mesopotamia within Asia (present day Iraq and Iran).

Celebrations before Christ included traditions such as the 12 days of Christmas, yule log, giving of gifts, parades, songs, holiday feasts and church gatherings.

The Mesopotamians believed in many gods, the chief god being celebrated in a winter festival for 12 days. The Persians and Babylonians celebrated similar festivals. Special winter celebrations also were held by the Europeans. The Scandinavians held a large winter festival called the Yuletide with bonfires and a feast. In English, the Yule celebration and word Yule mean the same as Christmas. Apples were tied to branches of trees during Yule as a reminder that spring and summer would return.

The ancient Greeks and Romans also held winter festivals to celebrate the Greek God, Kronos, and Roman God, Saturn. The Roman festival called Saturnalia lasted two weeks and included large meals, exchange of gifts and visiting friends, similar to the present Christmas.

Christians thought it was wrong to honor pagan gods as with the Romans, Greeks and other cultures. The Christians wanted to keep the birthday of their Christ as a solemn religious holiday.

Eventually, Christians decided that a broader Christmas celebration would help compete with pagan December festivals.

Dec. 25 was sacred to the Romans, Persians and Greeks since their festivals were held during this time. The Christian church eventually used the tradition of lights, gifts and merriment in starting a celebration of Christmas. In 137 A.D., the Bishop of Rome ordered the birthday of Christ to be celebrated as a solemn feast. In 350 A.D., another Bishop of Rome, Julius I, chose Dec. 25 as the observance of Christmas. Our current Christmas date is, therefore, more than 1,600 years old.

The exact day of Christ’s (Jesus) birth has never been determined. One reason is that the calendar has been changed with a time adjustment. Christ’s birth has been celebrated since around 98 A.D. The actual season of Jesus birth is thought to be in the spring.

Christmas was slow to catch on in America. The early settlers in the colonies considered Christmas to be a pagan ritual. The celebration of Christmas was banned by law in Massachusetts during colonial days (1600s and 1700s)

But eventually, Christmas, with its inherited traditions such as a tree, ornaments, feasts, exchanging presents, visiting relatives, use of holly and other symbols, became a widely celebrated holiday on Dec. 25.

Jay O’Dell is a former teacher of history and other subjects in public schools and college. Suggestions for column content or other inquiries can be sent to him at: P.O. Box 469, Lavalette, WV 25535.

Crime Scene

Baby Jesus swiped from Nativity near Independence Hall
By Dwight Ott  |  Inquirer Staff Writer  |  www.philly.com/inquirer/

PHILADELPHIA, Pa. – Is nothing sacred?

For four years, the Ancient Order of Hibernians and the Knights of Columbus have placed a Nativity scene in front of Independence Hall without incident.

But this year, on Saturday or Sunday, a figurine of the baby Jesus – and the bolted-down crib where it lay – went missing from the creche.

A maintenance worker discovered the theft of the 12-pound, foot-long statue of a blond baby Jesus, valued at $600, said a spokeswoman for the National Park Service, Jane Crowley.

The wooden 12-by-15-foot creche, with a half-dozen near-life-size figurines, is just in front of a globe that bears the inscription, “Peace on Earth . . . From your friendly neighborhood atheists, freethinkers and humanists.”

Late yesterday afternoon, members of Immaculate Conception Roman Catholic Church in Jenkintown rushed to the scene with a replacement baby Jesus, just in time for a dedication ceremony attended by close to 50 people, including the auxiliary bishop of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, Joseph McFadden.

But Immaculate Conception parishioner John Stanton, who obtained the replacement figurine, said it would have to be returned to Jenkintown later in the evening for that congregation’s creche.

Former City Councilman Fran Rafferty, who attended the event, glumly pointed out that “nobody bothered that atheist globe back there.”

McFadden blessed the creche with incense and holy water. “It’s a shame any religious denomination could be defamed like that,” he said beforehand. “I thought we respected diversity.”

To Msgr. Daniel Sullivan of Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church, however, the thefts came as no surprise.

“I’m from South Philadelphia,” he said. “For the last two years, the baby Jesus has been stolen out of our manger.”

About 20 third graders in Santa hats and holding plastic candles attended the blessing as well. They were from nearby St. Mary’s School, which school officials said is the oldest Catholic school in the country.

Teacher Michelle DiClaudio said the youngsters had not been told about the heists.

“We try to keep them away from stuff like this,” she said.